"But Grohl- where have you been?!  For years I've wandered the empty streets of Rockville, searched the alleys of Germantown for you, gone even so far as Frederick in my search, until my scarf was threadbare and I had forgotten the very sound of my own voice.  Karaoke itself has faded away and returned to dust, replaced by these impostor bar nights- trivia, open mic night, improv.  Why did you forsake me so long?!"

"Don't worry bro.  I'm sorry to have left your side for even a second, but the gods of rock were handing me a sacred mission.  I passed beyond all things and arrived in Rock Valhalla, the land of pure rock and roll where the greatest rockers spend all eternity rocking the very fabric of our universe.  In the center of Rock Valhalla is an empty throne, one that I will take as my own some day.  But until that day, I have been tasked by all the other spirits of Rock Valhalla with a quest: I must restore Rock to its rightful place.  I must create The Band."

"Which band, bro?  And how will you do that?  And why is the rock afterlife modeled on Norse mythology?!  I have so many questions...  But for now, I can promise you this: my broke-dicked van is yours to call upon."

"Your van?  Where we're going, we won't need 'vans.'  From here it's only onwards and upwards.  You'll be my right-hand man.  Meet me... in the studio.  And bring a good band name."

"So be it.  The Rolling Grohls?  The Grohtles?  Gro Love and Special RAWK?  Led Grohpelin?  Pink Groid?  Grohtallica?  Gru2?  Grohb Grahrley?  The Grohlice?  Rock Temple Grohlits?  Grush?  Earth and Wind and Fire and Grohl?  The Greach Groys?  Soundgrorden?  Gruns n' Grohlses?"

"Something like that, bro.  Something like that."