"hey grohl! check this out!"
i jammed yet another pancake into my mouth.
"sweet, bro!"
a third pancake came up, folded and compressed like a piece of origami paper into a small neat square. square, meet mouth.
"mmmf watch this!"
no time to see if he was fully captivated by the spectacle of three pancakes in one mouth, another pancake was ready.
"take it easy bro, don't want to OD on IHOP. know your limits, bro!"
did he doubt me? there was only one possible answer to that. another pancake, another few seconds of folding. after jamming it in my lower jaw felt weighted down by all of the pancakey goodness.
"mmmmmflugh regrugle, greah!"
i grabbed another one, manically repeating the same steps.
"ok i take it back, you're the master! but please, for your own sake, slow down. how many are you even at now?"
seven, i wanted to tell him. couldn't, though. too much pancake. and now an eighth pancake. my cheeks burned with pain, like a chipmunk who had gorged on... on pancakes, actually.
"grughyeagherrr"
diners at other booths had dropped their silverware, mouths agape as they beheld the impossible. as i lifted the ninth up to my mouth grohl and i made eye contact.
"come on bro. please stop. for me. for... us. you don't have to do this."
ten. i was so close, but as i opened my mouth something happened. i don't know what it was, not even today. i thought i had just blinked, but when i opened my eyes there was pancake everywhere. it was on the table, on the walls, on the floor. on grohl, my precious grohl. bits of pancake were stuck to the ceiling, coating the windows, floating in my coffee. the waitress had fainted, but no one came her to assistance- everyone was covered in pancake. grohl stood up, brushed himself off, and walked outside.
after paying at the register i followed him out. he was smoking a cig, staring off into the early morning sky. when i walked up he turned and smiled.
"you did it, bro. you really did it. stuff of legends, bro."
we stood there, grohl and the ihop and i, until only the ihop remained.
