some people call grohl and i "the duo that never sleeps." sure feels like it! earlier this week d-gro himself showed up on my doorstep looking to cause trouble, hunting for fun in all the right places. the dude wanted to go on an adventure- who was i to say no?! we hopped in my car, or THE ROCK MOBILE, and sped off to the most unexpected of places- THE BEACH! rad!

the wind sure was cold, and a quick dip in the water left me with severe hypothermia, but i wasn't about to let the mere absence of heat slow me down! grohls delightful antics warmed my heart as well as my frozen limbs. first he made a sand castle, then he pretended to be an obnoxious kid and knocked it over. that grohl, what an imagination he has- the mind of grohl, a wondrous thing.

later we were back on the boardwalk warming up with some of the famous BOARDWALK FRIES! grohl went crazy, pigging out hardcore! i was laughing at first but then he got bits of hot french fry grease in my left eye and i had to take a few minutes to wash it out. my vision is still slightly off in that eye but whatever bro, that's what you get when you live on the edge!

we hit a few of the local bars before we left to see if we could drum up some karaoke action, but those nerds were having none of it! whatevs, bethesda awaits! grohlfriend out!

I JUST HAD THE CRAZIEST GROHL DREAM!  grohl and i were having a long therapy sesh talking about some of my usual lady troubles when barack obama showed up.  grohl didnt recognize obama (we've been waaay too busy palling around to really follow politics lately) but i figured out who he was pretty quickly.  anyway obama told us that the earth is in trouble!  i grabbed my best adventure-scarf and we leaped into action.  the president explained that he was tired of being president and wanted to step down.  but if he did, a bunch of uncool things would happen!  biden would take over, and no one wants that since biden kinda sucks.

so his only recourse was to send grohl back in time, to the year 2008! grohl would run for president and win, thus allowing obama to get some rest and preventing biden from taking office. i thought i might have been a better choice for prez but grohl explained that being the vice president and just sitting around drunk all day is way better than taking the lead role. hes such a smart dude!

we won the election, of course. mccain is basically a mummy and sarah palin doesn't know the meaning of being 'under pressure,' if you catch my drift! hahaha! speaking of which, instead of swearing in president grohl on a lame old bible i totally ROCKED him in by breaking out a bit of the karaoke Queen (feat. david bowie) during the inauguration. the supreme court justices didnt approve but whatever duders, they're way old.

we moved the white house to the B-THEZ, replaced the oval office desk with a drum kit, and changed press conferences to free-form drunken singalongs- i do it my way, PUN TOTALLY INTENDED.

when i finally woke up i felt a soul-crushing sadness on the realization that it had all been a dream. or was it? as i stood up something fell out of my pocket: a ballot, worn out from too much time spent as a coaster under a cold brewski and too many trips through the washing machine. the front held two boxes: an empty one next to McCain/Palin, and a punched hole next to Grohl/Yours Truly.

time finally caught up with it once it was exposed to the harsh conditions outside my pocket, though. when i tried showing it to a hot bethesda twenty-something that night i found that nothing remained in my pocket but dust. we'll meet again, dear president grohl, though i know not how or when.

winter. the air is crisp, the temperatures frosty, the alcohol sweet. night after night dave and i hit the karaoke joints, blasting the panties right off in a super-masculine assault on their sensual ears.  it isn't all testosterone when i'm up there, though- my custom-made scarf-belt combines the utility of a belt (pure man stuff) with the aesthetic wonders of a scarf (a little something for the ladies).  after every song i take a few minutes to work the crowd, making my way through with my favorite piece of arm candy- mr grohl himself.  sometimes we go straight through to dawn, sipping sweet brewskis and hitting all the right notes.

last night (or perhaps I should say 'this morning'? sorry i don't conform to your 24-hour day chronofascism, you square) was magical. after the sun rose i stumbled out the back door of one of bethesdas hottest spots to find dave takin' a quick smoke in the alley. he was an oasis of cool in the midst of what was otherwise a very filthy place. a thick trash funk enveloped the area from a dumpster which looked like it hadn't been emptied since the early 90s (when dave was getting his start in a little band i like to call nirvana), and roaches crawled along the edge of the wall. i realized that the puddle i was standing in was not, in fact, rainwater- rather, it had the color and smell of urine.

'dave, man, what are you doing back here?'

before he could answer the sun finally glinted over the top of the fence. i blinked and shielded my eyes for a moment, but when i lowered my hand i found that dave had disappeared. a pile of discarded newspapers and three pieces of cracked eggshell sat in his place, a forlorn monument to my vanished friend.

thanksgiving weekend was an even realer treat! i was hangin out with dave, as i am wont to do, when the mayor of bethesda descended from upon high and graced us with an audience! it was super cool. clearly he wanted to acknowledge the huge role dave and i have played in developing bethesda. all those huge crowds that come out on weekday nights to hear me belt out some classics in the bethesda bar district? that's a huge cultural milestone and a great boon to the developing bar industry. we're basically stars in this town.

at the end of our talks with the mayor he dropped a sexy bomb on us- he wanted us to accept the key to the city! there would be a huge ceremony with literally dozens of people in attendance! dave freaked out but i totally kept my cool. "that's why you're the mayor," i said whilst putting on my sunglasses and flipping my scarf over my shoulder.

the ceremony was great! lots of hot chickadoodles checkin' me out while dave went up on stage and an overweight woman stared at his back. i would have loved to let some of the hotties hit on me, but i never fly without my wingman- former nirvana drummer and foo fighters frontman, dave grohl.

So this week I had a real treat. As a Washington, D.C. native, I thought it was my duty to show Dave around….even though I heard that he’s actually from this area too, but whatever. Well, after rocking out hardcore last night at Barking Dog (that’s where the Bethesda rockin’ karaoke madness is located on Thursday nights), I figured we should take a break and see some of the nation’s most valued treasures. AKA…HARD ROCK CAFÉ!!!! AM I RIGHT??? So yeah, I explained to Dave (who’s not very attuned to these things), that Washington D.C. is basically Las Vegas…just without any gambling, deserts, breakfast buffets, or obese Elvis impersonators. He was so excited to hear this! We’re both huge fans of rockin’ out hardcore in Las Vegas with some hot chickies and some tasty lemon drop cocktails!!!! It’s no Bethesda, but hey, it tries! Here is the proof that we went to the Hard Rock Café (we hung out with Bon Jovi too but don’t ask him about this if you see him):