i was in trouble, and i surely knew it. in the midst of my drunken wanderings i had somehow strayed far from the borders of bethesda, into lands i didn't recognize. at first i thought i had walked all the way into adams morgan- an acceptable, if disappointing, substitute for b-thizzle. but as the sun rose i saw that i had arrived somewhere far more sinister: rockville.

rockville. a tiny hamlet mainly populated by wind and ghosts, amongst other more disturbing creatures. as i tried to recover from the shock of finding myself in such a place i realized i was being watched. hideous wretches, the gaunt and wasted figures of people exiled from bethesda and sent north to the frozen wasteland of rockville. if your attitude lacked sufficient zazz, if your character was judged to be irredeemably lame, if your charmingly anachronistic hats ever passed from 'edgy' to 'boring'... then you could be forsaken by the bethesdans and sent away, never to return. rockville.

clearly my arrival here was a mistake. but before i could find a way out they rushed at me, howling "YOUR SCARF! WE NEED YOUR SCARF!" with their disgusting, deformed tongues. their plan was clear: take my scarf, impersonate me at the bethesda border, and thus regain access to the hottest scene this side of rock n' roll valhalla. as i ran my scarf trailed far behind me- their grubby fingers snatched at it in the wind, mere inches from claiming it as their own.

and then i gave up on all hope. one of them stood straight in front of me, blocking my path to freedom. but wait... this was no twisted rockville denizen! he stood well taller than any of them, with pounds of facial hair and a bulky wristwatch that accentuated his drummer physique. i was saved! grammy award-winning all-star rock god dave grohl himself clenched his fingers oddly towards them, a vision of 100% radical defiance!

i won't get into too much detail about what happened next, but lets just say it was a grohling trial for them! heh, just a little pun there, based on conflating the sounds of the word 'grueling' with the name of my best bro- dave goddamn grohl! after we finished our sexy battle royale it was time to head back to bethesda and do a bit of mid-day drinking. it's never too early to start when you rock as hard as we do!